27 March 2013

twenty weeks | two doves

(all pictures taken by my dear Mary Claire Roman)

Sixteen weeks to twenty weeks were some of the toughest. With a scare involving a lot of blood and cramping taking us to the ER being one of the biggest reasons for that. Our sweet girl checked out just fine, and what the doctors found was far from serious, but the feeling I felt that night may haunt me forever. Thankfully, my mama was in town through it all to help me keep it together. Two days after my parents left, my sweetest friends drove up to spend time with us, and though I had a nasty cough the whole time, having them in our home always brings such joy. Even if it's only for a couple days.

After the busyness had died down, I found myself steaming in a warm bath feeling sick and sorry for myself. Exhausted from the past few weeks. Trying my darnest to steam the congestion away. My hands on my belly that now extends beyond the surface of the water, feeling tiny inconsistent jabs from the love that is growing inside of me - and I am brought back to last October.

It was month twelve, and I had yet another test with one pesky pink line staring back at me. Again. This time it was different though - month twelve meant the doctors would actually take a look at me and give me some answers, some help. I made the phone call to womens' health. Excited, relieved, and mostly scared.  The lady who answered was kind and listened to what I had to say, but then quickly turned me down, and told me I had to go through several steps in order to be seen by them. Steps I had already taken. Ones that would take time, probably months. I was over waiting. Defeated, I hung up and sobbed my way through my morning workout. I wanted to be a mother - desperately. And in that very moment, that desire seemed impossibly out of reach.

Through the window that stands between my living room and backyard, I felt eyes on me. On the porch awning sat two doves nonchalantly looking in at me. Call it a sign, a coincidence, a bird, what have you - I knew then that things were going to be okay.

27 days later, we found out about our daughter.

Fast forward to now. Halfway through this miraculous journey - I am reminded that feeling sorry for myself is unnecessary. With a babe as healthy as can be, the ability to create a family at all, and a husband who loves us both ferociously; I am the luckiest woman in the world. All of the weight that comes with the discomfort, fear, and anxiety of pregnancy is a weight that I am willing to carry. For her. My dove.


  1. wow. what a sweet post. i may have chills. i am so sorry to hear what you have dealt with, but happy to hear that everything is okay!


  2. 12 months, wow. I am so happy that your baby girl is growing strong and healthy! You deserve it so much and you are going to be a fantastic mother <3

  3. I've been reading your posts since you were just married (tumblr), and seeing you now, it's just really awesome to see how your life has sprouted. You're posts are always so beautiful.

  4. Your words are beautiful and only add to the beauty of these photos. If you haven't been told yet, you are positively glowing. Your little dove is lucky to have such a great mama in you already.

  5. I don't know you, but I found your blog when it was featured somewhere else ... you write so beautifully and I just wanted to say congratulations. What a beautiful thing it is ... growing life. Growing love. On a side note, my first daughter is my dove as well (her name is Jonah, which means dove - my husband and I both have doves tattooed for her)- I was told becoming a mother wold be very difficult for me, but the Lord proved otherwise and extended that beautiful olive branch to us through our doubt and fear. :) I can tell how blessed you feel ... so many beautiful things are coming your way! Congrats again.

  6. You are more beautiful everyday! I am so grateful to have you in my life and to be a part of this wonderful journey. Love you so much! Love, Mom

  7. I'm late to reading this, but.... I am so sorry for that year of frustration, I know how awful it is when you so desperately want something so wonderful and I am beyond words that your prayers were answered and you are glowing with you daughter so close to your heart. It feels like a triumph whenever someone so good is blessed with something so great. You two will be fabulous!